The Party’s Sober: Smashlyn Monroe
This is the third instalment in a photojournalism project I began a few years ago, exploring sobriety and addiction through the voices of those working within nightlife and the events industry. It’s a project that’s been on the back burner for two or three years (see here and here for my previous interviews) but one I’ve always wanted to return to.
I visited the Phoenix Arts Club in central London to speak to and photograph Smashlyn Monroe - an incredible drag, cabaret and sideshow performer who’s been on my radar for a number of years - and they reminded me exactly why this project is so important. Their honesty, strength, and clarity about what it means to stay sober in an industry built around alcohol felt deeply grounding, and I’m grateful to share their story here.
Trigger warning: Mention of suicide contemplation.
Smashlyn Monroe at Phoenix Arts Club, Soho. Photographed by Rachel Hardwick.
Smashlyn:
For over four years now, I’ve been fully sober from all alcohol and non-prescription drugs. It got to a point where I just couldn’t keep doing that to myself. Working in nightlife isn’t easy - when you’re surrounded by such easy access to drugs and alcohol, it takes a massive choice to make a sustainable change for your wellbeing.
It’s hard to remember the exact turning point. Being AuDHD as well as an addict, there are gaps. I know the comedowns got harder, but the desire for escape and more “fun” was overwhelming. I was chasing something I didn’t have, and at that time the outlet was drugs and alcohol. I was stuck in a toxic day job, and with my own mental health issues on top, it was a dangerous path to be walking.
I’ve been sober for 4 years, 2 months, and 26 days - yes, I keep track that precisely! I use an app that shows me each day as an achievement, a visual reminder that every day counts.
Smashlyn Monroe at Phoenix Arts Club, Soho. Photographed by Rachel Hardwick.
One of my favourite venues to perform in is The Phoenix Arts Club. It’s not just about the location or the history, but the calibre of performers who’ve been there before. It’s a vibrant, talented crowd, and being part of that reminds me what I can do and the level of skill and professionalism I’ve achieved. Within addiction it’s easy to forget that, while I am an addict, I’m also much more than just that. At most venues, drinks backstage and after the show are a given - sometimes even considered part of your payment - but at The Phoenix, my sobriety has never made me feel less. If anything, I’ve felt more supported. The management and staff go above and beyond to look after all their performers.
In the past, I didn’t even see my addiction as negatively impacting my life. I just thought I was the problem - that I broke things, failed at things. I didn’t realise how much of that was tied up in being an addict with undiagnosed ADHD and autism. It was all wrapped in one mindset: that I wasn’t good enough. It hit home when I noticed how much I was drinking and partying. The escape wasn’t working anymore, and reality started bleeding into the fantasy. The high, drunk Smash was everything. The sober, broken, depressed, anxious Smash was what I thought I deserved. Eventually, I realised I couldn’t carry on. The only options left were to stop - or to take my own life. My childhood was full of trauma, and those thoughts had always been there. I was adding to my own trauma through self-sabotage, self-harm, and constant chaos. I just wanted it to stop.
Smashlyn Monroe at Phoenix Arts Club, Soho. Photographed by Rachel Hardwick.
Since getting sober, the biggest change has been self-awareness. Damn, that hit hard - actually seeing what my life is. I’d been existing in fight mode for years, just surviving. Now I’m learning that being vulnerable isn’t the end of the world. I’m still unsure about love - being able to love and be loved - but I have hope that I can repair damaged relationships, with others and with myself. I can see myself more clearly now, and I give myself more time and care. Being an addict is lonely, but sobriety gives me a chance to reconnect.
Working in the events industry sober brings its own challenges. Every new gig means setting boundaries with producers and other performers. A lot of venues used to offer drinks as part payment, which only works if you drink. Now I make my needs clear, and that means prioritising myself so I can deliver the high standard I aim for. If a venue can’t support that, I won’t work there. It’s not easy to turn down gigs, but my sobriety is too important to risk. A non-alcoholic rider is rare, but when it happens, it makes all the difference. If other performers are using nearby, I’ll ask them not to or I’ll move away. My sobriety has to come first.
Smashlyn Monroe at Phoenix Arts Club, Soho. Photographed by Rachel Hardwick.
Substance use is still massively common in the events world - not just in big clubs but in smaller shows too. Drinks backstage are seen as standard etiquette. Riders often include alcohol, sometimes even as partial payment. It’s less common now, but it still happens, and it saddens me to see performers accepting that - not just because of the excessive drinking, but because it cheapens their work. That said, there’s hope. I’m seeing more openly sober performers and even sober events emerging. The industry has deep roots in that culture, but maybe we can start to uproot it.
My advice to anyone struggling with addiction, or even just sober-curious, is this: not all addiction looks the same. Take time to think and talk to someone. There are places like AA and NA, but it’s also about finding your own path. Give yourself the space and care you give to others. This choice isn’t selfish - it just means you want better things for yourself.
Someone once told me that sobriety is the greatest gift you can give yourself - and I have to agree.
